We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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