I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
