It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Randomize