two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sext me about skeletons
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
