I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
