You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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