There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
