absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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