where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
how drunk are you?
Several
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
