Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i will never coherently bang her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
