the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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