ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
