Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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