Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
