I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
