I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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