But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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