I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
