At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
