Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
