five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
