That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
