I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
