I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
