he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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