Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
