Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
