I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize