You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
