Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
