god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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