i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
