i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
