Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
