I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize