when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
