So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You're like the curious george of whores
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
