when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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