forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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