so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize