forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
