I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
