I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
