If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
