I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
