i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
