Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
