When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
