Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
