I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize