Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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