even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
