I accidentally burped into my bong.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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