I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
