My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
