i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
