I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
