My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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