i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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