This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
