i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
