my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I currently don't understand fingers.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
