i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
